Learning to Forgive

Jeremy Northrop

            There might be some considerable debate concerning what the biggest challenge is today affecting the home. Among some of the items on the list might be failure to spend time together, inability to communicate effectively, or selfishness among family members. Some have suggested the biggest challenge in the home is the members of the home do not genuinely forgive one another. It is so easy for members to bring up past events and indicate these past offenses have not been genuinely forgiven. The idea of genuine forgiveness is illustrated in Matthew 18:23-27. The servant begged for forgiveness and the master was moved with compassion. His compassion led him to release the servant from the debt. He had to pay nothing and was responsible for nothing else concerning the debt. The debt was cancelled. The idea of forgiveness is that the debt is cancelled. Spiritually, when God forgives His children, He will not ever again mention the matter.  God has forgiven His children of the debt of their sin. People need to forgive one another as God forgives. The matter should never again come up.

            There is a great application of this concept when it comes to the family. Every family has conflict. When forgiveness occurs, the matters once held in contempt should never again be used as leverage. Yet, often times it is. This lack of forgiveness creates real problems in the home. There are very specific applications of forgiveness which can be used in the family as there are places or relationships within the family where obvious conflicts exist. These relationships and others are the places in which a lot of patience and willingness to forgive is needed.

            The marriage relationship between a man and a woman is a place which needs forgiveness. Most everyone who is married can remember the day the officiate took the wedding vows and said something to the effect of “do you take the woman whose hand you hold to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together after God’s ordinances in the holy state of matrimony, and will you love, cherish, honor, and keep her in sickness and health; and, forsaking all others keep yourself to her only, so long as you both shall live?” The groom answered, “I do” and a similar question was asked to the woman, with a similar rely given. Then, as the couple adjusted to living together, from time to time, they encountered conflict. These periods of conflict are a good opportunity to practice forgiveness as God would have His children to do. Husbands are to love their wives as seen in Ephesians 5:25, 28, and 33. Wives are to love their husbands as seen in Titus 2:1-4. Love cannot exist without forgiveness. Husbands and wives need to learn to forgive.

            Another relationship in the home where a lot of resentment and such occurs is among siblings. The older brother in the account of the prodigal son held his younger brother in contempt because of the forgiveness the father had for him. Many children today exclaim how it seems to them that their siblings get everything they do not. Certainly, every child deserves special individualized attention and this situation can make it appear as though parents favor one child over the other. It can then cause one child to resent another. Another cause of resentment is the wrongful act committed by a child to their siblings. This is certainly what happened in Genesis 37 when Joseph was sold into slavery by his bothers. What was not revealed to Joseph or his brothers was that this all occurred under the providential prevue of God. Joseph rose to political power and later demonstrated extraordinary forgiveness. Children today need to demonstrate such forgiveness today.

            It might be hard for many children to imagine but even parents make mistakes. They are certainly worthy of the respect of their children (Ephesians 6:1). They are charged with a great responsibility to “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). In this process and charge, parents make mistakes. Noah certainly made a mistake when he got drunk with wine. Ham looked upon his father’s nakedness. Shem and Japheth took a garment and backed up to Noah so that they would not see their father’s nakedness. This action shows their understanding of susceptibility to sin and their willingness to forgive their father of his sin. Children need to forgive their parents today.

            This concept works the other way as well. Parents need to be willing to forgive their children. The account of the prodigal son illustrates a father’s forgiveness well. In fact, some have said it should be remembered as the account of the forgiving father. Jesus admonished His followers to be like children in Matthew 18:3, “Assuredly, I say to you, unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven.” One of the big lessons learned by this admonition is that it seems adults know how to hold grudges. Little children are quick to forgive and adults need to learn to do as they do. It might be easy to forgive little children but adult children need forgiveness as well.

            Many have told of regret in lives. They often might point to some specific event for which they do not believe they can obtain forgiveness. This situation is not an issue of God not forgiving His children. He can clearly do so as illustrated by the apostle Paul in 1Timothy 1:15-16. The issue is one that many people are not able to forgive themselves. A good example of this is Judas. God was certainly willing to forgive Judas but Judas was not able to forgive himself and went to the field of the blood and hanged himself (Matthew 27:3-10). Peter was able to overcome his denial of Christ and go on to preach in Acts 2 and write part of the New Testament. Today, people need to learn to forgive themselves and move on to do the Lord’s work (Philippians 3:12-16).